So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
