I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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