Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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