I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
