from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
