Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
