so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This house was built for laser tag.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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