what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
