idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
