we made out on top of his cat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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