I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
