If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
