after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
