I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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