Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
