He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
