i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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