About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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