I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
