How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
