Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
