Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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