We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
