He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
