wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
