i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize