Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
