I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
