3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Panties = found
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
