Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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