I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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