i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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