I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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