There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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