OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
