My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
