Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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