My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
