yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
