You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
