Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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