Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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