Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i now understand why vodka
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
