Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I want a musical about memes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize