There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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