She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
