I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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