sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
