His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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