Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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