i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize