I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
