Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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