Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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