all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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