my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
