I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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