saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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