My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
