If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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