My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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