the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
