I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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