guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
