I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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