I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have already put on my inside pants.
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