please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
