He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
