my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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