i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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