this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
