you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
literally had 100 drinks last night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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