I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
