1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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