so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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