im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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