I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
