Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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