4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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