i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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